It takes a village to raise kids. But what if that village is only YOU and your husband? A lot of parents, specially living in foreign countries, away from their families, go through this. Even if you have your family around, you still would agree that your kids behave rather differently when YOU are around. I mean, they ONLY NEED YOU when you are around, for doing their stuff. My 2 year old wants me to “SIT DUM” (his way of saying sit down) even when he is playing with his toys. My older ones need ME to open things for them (even when their dad is sitting right in front of them). But let me give you a few examples on how is it very easy to become border level insane (Pun intended!) and as we say in my mother tongue ‘Urdu’ bilkul dimaagh ki dahi bana detay hain, you might actually want to pull your hair at times.
- Do you have kids who wake up at nights (even when they are toddlers or even older)?
- Can your children wait for things to happen or they want everything NOW??
- Did you ever need child proofing for your home?
- Is your baby/toddler obsessed with toilet?
- Do your children want only YOU (or your head) every single second of their life?
- Can they wait for you to finish up your sentence or they cannot even wait for that?
- Are they whiny, and don’t listen (without a threat and warning)?
- Do you have to tell them simple chores to do at least 35 times a day?
- Do you sometimes lose your ability to think when your kids are around?
And I can write a book on such REAL LIFE examples. Not all children are like that, congrats to you if yours aren’t like that. And for the ones who could relate to at least 2 of the above things, then congrats to you my dear Ammi friend, you have been accustomed to having a properly jama hua dahi of your head almost daily! 
I obviously come in the second category.
Some tips that I do to keep myself sane and enjoy these little miracles of Allah (with my dahi filled brains):
1. Give some time to yourself everyday. It can be before everyone wakes up in the morning or after everyone sleeps at night. Specially if you are a stay at home mom. Do the things that you like in that time. It could be Reading a book, watching a movie, listening to a podcast, exercising or following your goals. Self-care isn’t about going for manis and pedis, its for doing whats important to YOU!
2. Make sure to do all the house chores before everyone sleeps, like washing the dishes (keeping them in dishwasher), putting the leftover food in the fridge, daily counter and dining table cleaning.
3. Leave your chores for the next day: If there is some chore left and if it’s not important like keeping the food in the fridge (it will go bad otherwise) then LEAVE IT for tomorrow. Yes, I said it. JUST LEAVE IT ALONE! No one will be shouting at you or killing you for that one load of laundry that’s sitting on the couch. It will not grow legs and run away, I promise. Get in the habit of prioritizing what’s important for YOU! It’s YOU!
4. Make a couple of dishes every alternate day so you don’t have to cook daily. Cook on Fridays for the weekend. If you are work-in-the-office mom (we are all working moms, even the stay at home ones!) then for the whole week on the weekends.
5. Planning is the key, from activities that your family has to do in the coming week/month, to what will be cooking (Meal planning).
6. Only remind your kid 2 times of a chore to be done. The third time they get punished. Taking away screen/electronics time always works like a charm in our household. But stick to whatever punishment/consequence you decide, otherwise they will quit taking you seriously.
7. Know that life is NOT perfect. Repeat after me please. LIFE IS NOT PERFECT! Every child is different. If you have the kind who loves making fresh dahi every day of your brains, then ask for help, from your spouse, friends, etc. it’s a great way to ensure that you are getting enough free time away from your yogurt making machines.
8. Don’t lose your calm. It’s really hard, specially when you have kinds misbehaving/acting out in restaurants of public places. Just know that they are kids and let people judge. They will be even judging you if your kids are reading a book in a restaurant, saying that “OH, they are so strict that they don’t even let their child have any fun.”
9. Repeating and staying consistent with kids works the best. REALLY, just tell them to do what needs to be done daily. For example, I have to remind my kids DAILY to put their shoes in the closet, change their uniforms before the snack time, etc. Making a DAILY TO-DO chores chart also helps a lot.
Its not easy being a parent, but prioritizing YOURSELF and making a parenting plan really helps. The thing about the parenting plan is that not everything will work on all of the children. Every child is different, but as parents, its our responsibility to really work in the right plan. Good luck Mommas’!
